Sex is Awesome. Especially when you Wait.

The conclusions made in this post are dependent on the assumption (and I think it's a vital one) that romantic relationships are always better (and way healthier) if they start as friendships first.

Let's step through it. Think of the positive character attributes that someone would wish for in a friendship.

 Honesty
 Respect
 Forgiveness
 Sense of Humor
 Trust
 Loyalty
 Love
 Good Communication
 Common Interests
 Common Values

Look at each one. If you have a friend and the relationship has a healthy dose of these attributes, then you have a real gift. Something to be cherished and valued highly.

Now, consider a dating relationship. It's vital (for a healthy dating relationship) to have each of these things. Therefore, the foundation for a really cool dating relationship is friendship.

Just like a good friendship, if you have a dating relationship that has a good positive dose of these ten things, then it's really special. It needs to be valued. And you don't want to mess it up. 

However, if you add sex to the relationship (like our culture tempts us to do), then several things happen. 

First, several of the attributes (and possibly all of them) are affected negatively. Trust, Respect, and others are affected in a negative way. Mainly because the commitment level is still at the 'dating' level.

Secondly, once sex is added to the equation, it's real easy for everything to move to the physical...and it starts to become the foundational part of the relationship. And it gets really messed up. Pretty soon, all the couple wants to do when they get together is hang out and find ways to have sex together. I know this is a big generalization, but it's a truth...especially for high school relationships.

I'm even going so far as to say that sex added to a non-marriage relationship will only do one of two things:  (1) It will take a good relationship and mess it up. (2) It will take an unhealthy relationship and make it last longer...which causes more heartache and hurt for both people in the long run. Neither is good and your heart is worth the best.

So why is the commitment level such a big deal?
Let's say a couple in a healthy dating relationship doesn't add sex to it yet...and they continue to grow in friendship, and respect, and trust, and sharing common interests, and learning more and more about each other, etc. It's a great relationship and they decide to get married.

Think of the peeps at the wedding:  Bride and Groom. Maid of Honor, bridesmaids, flower girl, ring bearer, bride's family, bride's friends...Best man, groomsmen, groom's family, groom's friends--all the people that are absolutely the closest to these two people. And in front of all these special people, the groom verbally states his love and makes a lifelong vow--basically giving himself totally away--to his bride. Then the bride verbally states her love and makes a life-long vow--basically giving herself totally away--to her groom. It's an amazing commitment--the biggest vow someone can make to another human.

Then when sex is added later that night, instead of negatively affecting those ten things, it actually makes everything stronger! Sex after marriage INCREASES respect, INCREASES trust...it just locks everything into place. It's the final piece that makes two people one. That is why sex is so awesome and why God created this amazing gift for us humans.

All this makes me realize that God really likes us. He doesn't say "save sex for marriage" because He doesn't like us or because he's trying to keep us down. He says it because that makes everything the best! God actually wants to best for our lives. Really cool thought. And something I need to focus on often.

Enough for now. All comments are welcome.  -Mike